Training was, hmm... fun? Well, fun but tiring. NO PHYSICAL TODAY! YAYNESS! hahas. Did singles drills today. But after half an hour of playing seriously, I couldnt take it anymore. Started playing sloppily. Hahas. Well, at least it managed to crack three of us up after half an hour of intense playing. BOO~

Cross country's tomorrow. BUMMER. Have to get top 50. SIGH. Was planning on brisk walking throughout the whole thing. BUT BUT BUT. Expectations somehow got in the way. BOO~ Went through Science yesterday. It was, Im proud to say, a successful attempt. I managed to finish one bloody long chapter. Well, at least I did something! Hahas. It was, SO MUCH BETTER than History. I practically fell asleep going through the bloody text. B-O-R-I-N-G.

Well, this year's already STREAMING. Cant slack ANYMORE. Gonna BUCK UP!=))

spanish~

Mid Year's approaching and seriously, I havent been preparing for it. BUMMER~ It seems that even as one month has passed, Im still in a holiday mood. I find myself slacking while waiting for the one month break to come. GOSH, Im bound to do badly this term. Guess its time for me to buck up and stop slacking any further. Its bad for health, I heard. Hahas. CCA stand down is next week. WHAT A BUMMER. That means, no training for the rest of the week. Well, not really. At least Im still gonna train once a week for maintenance. So it should be alright. I think, this few weeks of break from badminton would do all of us some good. This'll be the time for us to reflect and think about trainings now. Are we really that commited? Or is it time for us to take a break from all these?

I find that I actually prefer Maths and Science to English and History. Kind of like a reverse to last year. Is it due to the teachers? NAH, I dont even bother to pay attention for Mr Chan's and Mrs Li's lessons. I dont think its worth it to pay attention cause they spend most of their time talking crap. Hmm, or is my ego getting in the way? Well, either way, I've gonna stop all of the slacking and start facing up to reality. EXAMS.

Even though all of the anger and disappointment arent gone, I still cant bring myself to hate you. Or rather, I cant bring myself to even do anything to show my displease. Is it because I treasure this friendship between? People tell me that its not worth is treasuring this kind of person. Yet somehow, Im like a moth attracted to the light. Knowing the danger of getting close to you, I still walk towards you, hoping that there would be anything left to salvage in our friendship. Perharps, time is all I need right now. Maybe time will heal the wounds? I suppose all it takes is a little bit of determination to get over it? I now know how Milly feels. Forget it. Its pointless thinking about it again. Gotta concentrate on my studies now; first piority. BOO~

spanish~

first comes anger, then doubts.

Hmm. well well, for once, training was actually FUN FUN FUN! Well, it was only till the ending was it fun. I met my senior! Hahas, was kinda shocked cause I couldnt really recognise her and its been a LONG time since I've seen any rosythian.[expect Janani la] And, its kinda nice to see a friendly and familiar face again. Had fun playing with her and with this guy called Jian Hong. Like me, he's also a tennis player. But, the way he plays Badminton also gave him away. Just looking at him hit his shots would I know that he plays tennis. Hmm.. Okays, that didnt sound right. Whatever, Im already a goner in English. WHAT A BUMMER.

spanish~

all of us eating together after the performance.=)

us walking to the restuarant. BOO~

Kwang Boon at the entrance.

ELAINE AND I~ hahas. i think i look weird in long sleeved shirt. :/

Elaine and me!!but this time, i zoomed in the picture.=)

Well, words cannot describe how HAPPY I was today! Hahas. Well, surprisingly, I managed to find a decent shirt for the performance. So it saved me the trouble to look for a bloody shirt. =) I look weird huh? Maybe because its a COLLARED and LONG SLEEVED shirt. Hahas, actually, this is the first time I've actually seen this shirt and worn this shirt. But oh well, who cares about the looks! What matters most is that I had FUN FUN FUN!! Hahas. Almost every girl whom I saw wore a bloody skirt! HMPH! Even Elaine as well! Felt kinda weird being the only one wearing something long whereas the others were wearing soemthing short for their bottom. Okays, Im talking crap at the moment.. Hahas. Well, we had our dinner at a restuarant called Lotus something something. Food was alright and the price is, reasonable. 100 over bucks for 11 people. During the meal, there were laughters and FUN! Hmm.. Abit lazy to type what happened. So, off to chatting with Ivan now.

spanish~

Life is, fun yet suffocating. Badminton trainings can be such bore sometimes but, what can I do? The only thing which I find interesting and fun are the drills and the time spent with the rest of my team. Yet at times, it can get depressing just doing the drills with Mr Lim. It'll be a disappointing if I were to see my shots not being up to standard. Maybe Im just too hard on myself? Nah, I dont even think so. After every training, I realised that I've still have ALOT more room to improve. So Im just gonna train harder and better everytime Im training. But actions are louder than words. So I guess just talking wouldnt do anything.

GOD! I cant just seem to understand my parents. why are they always so indecisive. Its either YES or NO. Are their work so freaking important that a simple holiday cant squeeze in?!? I know money is important but, cant you guys just, push it aside for time with us? Is a few days of work gonna kill ye? Forget it, I see no point in trying to find time.

spanish~

She likes you still
Thats what she says
She looks at you still
Thats what she does
Falling head over heels
So what she claimed

Turned out it was only a crush
[only a crush]
Deceptive little crush
Run along and move on
For this girl is here to stay
No longer will she be swept away

Thought she knew but she dont
Disillusionised with thoughts
Strayed by uncertaincy
Covered her ears
Block out the noise
Wake up now, girl
For its time now
For this neverending dream to end
This girl is now realising

Turned out it was only a crush
[only a crush]
Deceptive little crush
Run along and move on
For this girl is here to stay
No longer will she blindly follow

She liked you then
Thats what she said
She looked at you then
Thats what she did
fell head over heels
Its all past now.

Just when I decided to turn my back on you and give up, you suddenly come to me and act as if everything was back to normal. And though I kept telling myself that I was over you, everything cant be back to normal but, still, I just cant seem to say 'no' to you. Am I that weak that I cant even reject you? Or am I still afraid of the lonliness that Im gonna feel when I do so. I guess, in the end, Im still dependant on you. Your attention, your needs and your everything. I just, dont know what to do anymore. I suppose all that I need now is a little bit of courage? I know your not true to me. Your just confused with your thoughts..AARRGGHH..forget it.

spanish~

After talking to Daryle, I've come to terms with the things which have been on my mind for the past few months. And I would like to thank him for talking some sense into me. I promise I'll do something about it and hopefully, be able to talk myself into visiting the doctor.

Im sick and Im hating it. I dont think I'll be able to make it for the debate anymore. Cause Im seriously losing my voice and my nose and cough is killing me. SIGH. This sucks. Hopefully, it wont affect me in training tmr. *crosses fingers*

spanish~

this is one of the passage that Mr Adrian gave us for our diagnostic test. Found it rather meaningful, so Im just gonna post it here.=)

Its easy to mix up being nice with being a pleaser. Nice is considerate and reasonable to those around us whereas being a pleaser means trying to do whatever others want. So you can be nice and actually get a kick out of it because there is nothing like the inner glow you get from carrying out acts of unsolicited kindnedd. But that is your decision; this is why it feels so good. It gets too much when others expect you to be nice and take advantage. The basic line is this, if you do it so that others will like you, your on a slippery slope to misry because you wait in vain for that approval you crave, but if you do it because you like yourself a bit more, it'll work everytime. Liking ourselves is the basic essential ingredient for a decent, happy life as self-esteem and confidence come from yourself and you cannot get it from other people.

So many of us spend our early adult life without a clue who the real 'us' is. We are so busy tyring to be what other people want us to be. We all want to be liked and loved. Its a basic human need. But you have to balance this with your own hopes, disires and dreams. Wanting to be loved can get in the way of what we want to acheive in life, that great job all our friends are after too or that really cute guy everyone you know has set their sights on. Why not you? Why step aside? Why be nice if deep down your miserable? being too nice is not being nice to yourself. So save it for someone who deserves it, above all else, be nice to yourself.

well, thats that. I realised that I've been a pleaser for far too long. Maybe thats the reason why Im never really happy? I suppose so. Still searching for that answer which Im looking so. Perharps, the answer will only come to you without you knowing. Maybe the answer has already come. But its just that I was too blind to see it. Gosh, whatever. Head's aching like hell. Must be the lack of sleep. URGH, Im on the verge of collapse. I swear im gonna faint one day if I dont sleep early. well, gonna end here now.

spanish~

SLEEP!
this is something that Im in need of for NOW. I swear Im gonna collaspe one day with the amount of sleep that I get. God, MING XUAN! How the hell do you manage to cope? On the verge of breaking down now. Give me a sleeping pill and I'll gladly get it from you so I can force myself to sleep just forget about EVERYTHING. +sigh+. I just dont understand. If I was able to do it last term, why cant I do it now? Whats wrong now? AARRGGHH.. Maybe I should stop training as mad as I am now? I suppose it'll help. Or maybe its because every training that I attend is now tiring cause of the mulitples?Come to think of it, Mr Lim has been serving mulitiple for me. Maybe thats why its more tiring? +sigh+. WHATEVER. I'll leave these issues to the future. NOTE TO SELF: must try to sleep earlier.

TO THE DEBATERS; Im SO SO SO sorry! I didnt mean to cancel the meeting up because of my stupid plans! I apologise greatly for the inconveniences costed and will most certainly make it up to you guys in future. Wont do it again, PROMISE! =) I know you guys are irritated with me for all of my unneccersary last minute changes. Well, Im just, sorry.

Can barely open my eyes now. URGH. NIGHT(:

spanish~

Im finally free from the grasp of some of my emotions. How great is that? Hahas. But with one problem down, another few more to go. After reading Yan Zhen's blog, I realised that there are people who are facing even more serious problems than me. Thus the relief is washing over me now. Hmm, is there such thing as relief washing over me? Whatever, not really gonna bother much about my English now that Im already a goner in it. what a BUMMER. Hahas.

+sigh+. Another week. Another typical busy life I'd have to go through. Tests, homeworks and the different commitments that Im involved in. Another thing that adds on to my already busy scheduel is, DEBATE. GOD! If it werent for the persuation from Mrs You and Rashyd, I wouldnt be in this debate team. But strangely, it feels kinda nice to be able to debate. The tensed atmosphere is just, simply, exciting. Therefore, despite the many other things that I have to do for the week, Im kinda glad that Im involved in this. Feeling kinda honoured that they actually wanted me to join the team. Though its nothing significance, but still, every little small thing matters to me. Well, thats ALL that matters to me now. Right now, Im simply just too tired to bother about other things. Those matters can wait. Though dragging them wouldnt help in anything but only make it worst, but, whatever. I cant be bothered anymore. Just wanna concentrate on the important things first. Personal stuffs will have to wait. Even if it means that I 'd have to screw all of my priorities and thoughts again. I guess it wouldnt hurt to do a little bit of reorganising? Besides, Im a sucker at organising stuffs. HA~

Mr lim is SO nice! After talking to him today while doing mulitple, I realise that underneathe the big eyes, and the fierce looks and scary things that he do, he's actually a big softie. Hahas. Now, this is something you wont see so often in a teacher. Especially from a discipline teacher. Hahas. Hmm, maybe its cause we're from Badminton? I think not. He may appear prejudiced in the eyes of many, but, I think he's already trying his best to balance everything. So people, do understand the struggle that he's going through kae? How did I know about this struggle thingy? I dont know. I guess, after talking to him and roughly knowing what kind of life he's living, I kinda sympathise him. Hmm.. Guess I'd better stop all of this. I cant even handle my emotions properly now let alone handle the situations that are happening around me. So, it wouldnt be wise to add in another sympathy for someone? Besides, I dont think he'd be needing any of this. It'd be rubbish to him anyways. Hahas. Oh well, so much for that.

spanish~

Everyday I sit here waiting
Everyday just seems so long
And now I've had enough of all the hating
Do we even care, it's so unfair
Any day it'll all be over
Everyday there's nothing new
And now I just try to find some hope
To try and hold ontoBut it starts again
It'll never end
I'm heavily broken
And I dont know what to do
Cant you see that I'm choking
And I cant even move
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do
I'm heavily broken
And there's nothing I can do
Almost giving up on trying
Almost heading for a fall
And now my mind is screaming out
I've gotta keep on fighting
But then againIt doesn't end
I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
Cant you see that Im choking
And I cant even move
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do?
Im heavily broken
And there's nothing I can do
And there's nothing I can do
Feels like I'm drowning
Im screaming for air
(Screaming for air)
Louder Im crying
And you dont even care
Im heavily broken
And I dont know what to do
Cant you see that Im choking
And I cant even move
(What can I do)
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do
Im heavily broken
And I dont know what to do
Cant you see that Im choking
And I cant even move
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do
Im heavily broken

I'm getting tired of you pushing me around
Dragging me down
Making a sound because you wanna
I guess thats why I like messing with you
Putting you through
A lesson or two, because I'm gonna
Before I go my own way
I just gotta say
Leave me alone
Get out of my face
Im tired and low
Feeling so misplaced
Time for you to go'
Cuase I know I'm better off on my own, oh
Leave me alone
This isnt gonna work
Dont call me on the phone
Because Im all out of words
I'll face the unknown
Thinking about all the ways that I've grown
Oh, Leave me alone
There was the time I thought you were the one
Having some fun
Getting it done
What an illusion
'Cause you were trying to take control of me
That couldnt be, I need to be free of this confusion
Don't give me a guilt trip, because I'm so over it
Leave me alone
Get out of my face
Im tired and low
Feeling so misplaced
Time for you to go
'Cuase I know I'm better off on my own, oh
Leave me alone
This isnt gonna work
Dont call me on the phone
Because Im all out of words
I'll face the unknown
Thinking about all the ways that I've grown
Oh, leave me alone
Dont turn around and dont look back
I see right through all your selfless acts
OhLeave me alone
Get out of my face
Im tired and low
Feeling so misplaced
Time for you to go
Cause I know Im better off on my own, oh
Leave me alone
This isnt gonna work
Dont call me on the phone
Because Im all out of words
I'll face the unknown
Thinking about all the ways that I've grown
Oh, leave me alone
If you win your love
I'll feel better on my own
Leave me alone

*yawns* JUST WOKE UP. Hahas. Spent the past two days in BED. Hope I can spend each day like this. Would deff be BLISS. Hahas. but nothing good lasts forever right? So.. +sigh+.. SCHOOL. Havent finished Ms Nomala;'s homework yet. Lazy and distracted by the things that are around me. Hmm.. Better not slack anymore. Having another test on Thursday. OH BUMMER. Hahas. Well, gonna slack again now.

spanish~