after chatting with ivan,i realised something.

i was never happy since the beginning of this year.im tired now.but whats the use of moaning and complaining?once started,it cant be stopped.

sometimes,i wonder whether im acting or being real whenever im with my friends.i guess after acting for so long,its hard to tell the difference.hahas.im pathetic,its true..

many things have happened.causing the word 'breakdown' to come closer to me step by step.im already numb from the pain..such to the extent that i can even laugh just thinking about it.laughing then crying..im going nuts.and i dont even know about it.

'im happy.i really am'

something i'll say..or rather,will show to others every single day.isnt that what people wanna hear or see?CHEERINESS.hahas.dont even know whether there is such word.lame right?


here i am once again
choking on thoughts.
suffocating yet too numb
too numb to feel anything.
breathless from these overwhelemeness.
too tired to bother trying
becoming someone i hate
with these pretence
tears behind smiles
torn apart within
crying out.
can you hear me?
tearing my heart bits to bits
can you hear it?
heartbeat's long gone.
can you not hear?
sorrows behind these happiness..


im finally able to face my feelings.just for a while,im able to stand it for a while.
-numb.
i guess,im far too deep into my hole.
let me hide in there for the time being.
bring a hypocrite is fine now,
spanish~